It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
