My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
