he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
