thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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