im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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