Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Randomize
