awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
