Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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