VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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