this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Randomize
