gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
