I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
