In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
the day after is always just damage control
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
