i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
