I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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