Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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