he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
