she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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