In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
