he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
