I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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