Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
