Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
