sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
