girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
