I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
