hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
