She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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