Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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