you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
