batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
