That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
