"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
