I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
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