if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I have already put on my inside pants.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
