it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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