dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
