every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
