you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
