She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
