I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
