the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
