I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
it was like having sex with a tree stump
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Randomize
