ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
