I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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