I heard we made out
she looked like the before picture.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
