this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
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