I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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