im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
