just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
Randomize
