And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
