Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
