did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
